And it's breaking over me

think i may go to bed now. or try.
really tired and its almost 1
 
maybe ill come back and attempt free-writing under these sets trmrw idk

uh.. just trying to begin to process in some way this crazy fear/paranoia going on lately... thats really getting out of hand

05/14/13
 
Feeling evil and wrong. Inhuman
Undeserving of living.
Too evil to live.
 
Too much pressure
All the fingers are pointing to that I am a horrible person; not even a human being I have so many faults
So many faults I do not deserve to have life.....
 
This is overwhelming me from the inside out
I feel it physically from the inside of my chest
 
I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to rip myself to pieces until I am dead.
 
I do not deserve to live!!!!!!!!!!!!!

05/04/13
 
But that's all gone now... I don't even know how it happened. I don't know how any of this happened, and I don't even know what the f.ck is going on....
 
I'm just so lost, so confused, and I'm... losing it. I'm losing my mind over all of this. I'm just losing... everything. I don't know who I am or what I am and I hate every single thing that is me, is what I do, what I think, what I say, etc.
 
I just... want to go back.
I try to think how it came to this but there is literally no explanation.
 
And when I do think of it... it's stupid. It's all stupid and pointless and over-exaggerated and pointless that it's this serious when it's so stupid and small.
 
Yet it IS still huge, too at the same time. And idk... I just idk.
 
I don't know how to trust anymore.
I don't know how to feel love anymore.
I don't know how to find hope.
I don't know if I can do this...
 
This is crushing me... Undoing me from the very center of my being.
 
Absolutely undoing me.
 
I have never experienced something so wholly undoing....

04/30/13

04/29/13

04/24/13

04/26/13

04/26/13

04/26/13